Poetry can be inspiring, motivating, heart-wrenching, powerful, but it always inflicts emotion. It can pull at my heartstrings or just make me laugh. Writing poetry is a hobby for me and I have decided to keep a notebook in my backpack just for this purpose. While sitting at the car wash a couple of weeks ago (why does it take them so long?) I penned this one I call The Big Fat Fail.
Enjoy and let me know what emotions you feel when reading it by commenting below. Feel free to share your stories of taking your “sucking lemons” failing moments and how you turned them into “sweet lemonade”!
The Big Fat Fail
Fail forward, they say! And I can’t disagree,
but it’s hard to focus while nursing skinned knees.
Bumps, bruises, scrapes, the inevitable aches,
the road rash of crashing, but that’s what it takes.
To live is to fail, that’s the lesson I’ve learned,
through age and experience, or just getting burned.
20/20 vision for me has ALWAYS revealed,
every fail that I’ve suffered has earned me more steel.
Failure = Opportunity! To this I confess,
I love who I am now, having passed or “failed” each test.
Be sad in the moment, scream, cry or kick,
but look for the good, and lickety-split,
you’ll find your opportunity, practice! Give it a whirl!
The Big Fat Fail can turn (I promise) into your pearl.
Want to read more poetry?
Check out Mary Oliver’s biography here and buy one of her books, House of Light here.
-
The Power of Negative Energy VS Positive Energy
Negative Energy VS Positive Energy
Trip to Boise 3/3/16
It was the best of positive times and the worst of negative times…After being in airports for over 14 hours I have come to the conclusion that they bring out the best and the worst in people. Negative Energy VS Positive Energy. This story is one about my journey from Southern California to Boise, Idaho for a Women’s Conference I was booked to speak at.My husband and I own our own business and it was already going to be tight having me gone for a couple of days and my hubby started to not feel well. The morning I’m flying out he woke up with 102 temp and flat on his back in bed. Just touching my hand to him made me draw back sharply because of the intense heat. He was my ride to the airport. I drove my daughter to early morning seminary calling a shuttle on the way. Luckily they could come and get me, but it was an hour earlier than I had anticipated so I rushed home, finished packing, made breakfast, walked and fed the dogs and smiled when my chauffeur came to the front door. I was sweating as I (very unladylike) got into the van.On my way to the airport I am frantically texting to take care of things for the day. Texting our employees (who handled it magnificently by the way) to hold down the shop that day and what would continue to the next day as well, text a friend and neighbor to walk the dogs again after lunch, and call yet another friend to pick up my teenage daughter after school. I then go through my bag only to realize that I have my very cool Freska mango knife with me. The driver is grateful to acquire such a lovely trinket. At least it didn’t get thrown in the trash when trying to go through security.I get to the airport an hour and a half before my flight and after about 30 minutes of waiting my flight gets delayed and then delayed again. I end up leaving almost three hours after the original time. This is where you start to see the true characters of those around you. While I am concerned and it’s a bummer, I decide to use this block of time to answer emails and polish my speech intro that I wasn’t totally happy with. Trying to be productive in what for me is this rare opportunity of nothing else tugging at me for my time. Unfortunate, yes, but not life-threatening. The flight attendant assures me that my connector flight has also been delayed due to the weather in San Francisco.One lady is deciding if she should get a rental car and drive to Vegas which is her ultimate destination. I chat with her a minute about the price and time cost and she decides to wait it out. One gentleman with his wife is making a joke at every turn and I dub him the “unfunny” comedian. I listen to a young man on the phone with his mother in San Francisco and he is complaining loudly that he just wanted to watch a movie while on the flight but due to the crappy airport wifi that it will never happen as his computer tells him it will take 7 hours. He is irritated and has nothing positive to say.As I wait at the “electronic” plug-in bar so I can charge my laptop and phone I experience positive, caring, even trusting people. Half a dozen people are trying to charge their devices. Each of them make room for the others and exchange kind words. One lady older than me asks if she can plug her phone in beside me. I tell her I would be happy to watch it while it charges and she trusts me! Her phone cover is leather and has a pocket on the outside holding cash and her driver’s license and she sits it by me and goes to read her novel two rows away. I renew my faith in humanity as people care about other people and she is so trusting of a perfect stranger.And then there is the angry redheaded dude. He was the one in line speaking to the attendant at the counter, visibly upset. Everything about his demeanor suggested irritation, irritability and a terribly poor attitude. His actions were jerky and full of negative energy. I’m not sure what his rush is to San Francisco, but in his mind it must be urgent.And then we board the plane and who is my aisle partner? Yep…the red-headed angry dude. He exuded the most powerful negative energy that I’ve had the opportunity to be so close to in a long time. Every time the captain came on with an update he would jerk the headphones off his head to eagerly listen. When the captain would then say there was another 15 minute delay or anything at all he would be slapping his hand on his leg or just into the air and uttering curse words under his breath. I almost said something to him, but felt that it might make him even more angry. It was an incredible reminder how negative energy can physically be felt when it is pouring out of someone in such abundance.I get off the plane in San Francisco and literally run past everyone trying to go down the ramp off the plane and then up the ramp into the terminal only to find out that I had missed my connector flight and would then be in San Francisco for another 6 and a half hours. Yes, I’m sweating again.After a couple of hours and finding vegan food to eat in the airport I glance up at the screen at my gate and it shows the next two flights out…neither of which was mine. I calmly ask the gate attendant if my gate had changed and she said it had changed to gate 70 in another wing from gate 79 where I was currently standing. I finish charging my phone and head across the airport. I get there and it it doesn’t have my flight on that screen either! That’s when I ate an entire bar of chocolate.All of the big screens showing all the flights still say my original gate so I gather up my things and head back. That screen still doesn’t show my flight, but I feel like I’m in the right place. Now I start thinking about Boise and how I’m going to get to my dad’s house in Caldwell. My dad was originally going to pick me up, but that was earlier in the day and now I wouldn’t be arriving until 10:30 at night and after a nasty fall and hip surgery he just isn’t feeling up to it. I call a shuttle, turns out it’s just a charter, but they are friendly and give me the local taxi service. Called them, but WOW! Huge price tag. I considered getting a hotel for the night when my husband suggests Uber. I download the app, arrive in Boise, grab my bag and the driver arrives in 4 minutes. I reach my dad at 11:30pm. 7 1/2 hours after I should have arrived.Traveling by plane, shuttle, taxi, Uber…ok, all traveling modes can bring out the worst negative energy in you or the best positive energy in you. I hadn’t traveled by plane in over 2 years and this was a gentle reminder that people are always watching.My conclusion?
There is simply no way to avoid bumps in the road. They are a part of life. Delays, setbacks, moments where you will be forced to wait when you really just want to take action, moments people send you on a wild goose chase that accomplishes nothing. How you REACT to those bumps is a test of your true character. What will people of observe of you when the next bump comes along? -
Embrace
Embracing (ALL OF) YouI’m a ball-baby, a boob, a serious cryer. I cry when I’m happy and full of love. I cry when I watch movies. I cry when little things have added up over time and it brings a sweet release that only crying can achieve. I cry when I’m sad and I cry when I’m mad. I am a cryer.I know I’ve written about my sweet husband a bunch, but he made me see my crying in a different way.Several years ago (more than I want to count, actually) I was crying over something or other and throughout my whole life I had fought being a cryer. In the midst of my frustration and more crying I told my hubby, “I’m sorry, I’m going to learn how to control this, I will figure this out and I won’t be such a boob”. What he said changed not only my view about my crying, but in every other aspect of my life.He said, “Sweetheart, I’ve known you for a long time and I believe this is a part of you that I don’t think is going to change. I think that you are a cryer and that’s ok.” WHAT??? It’s ok to I cry?I had always seen my crying as a negative that I needed to change to a positive. The thought had never crossed my mind that it was simply a part of who I was and that it was perfectly fine to embrace that as a part of me and MOVE ON.Since that time I have never worried about my crying. It has even made me view other people’s crying in a whole new light. Here’s an example: My daughter was having a particularly hard day yesterday and she stopped by my work for a “cry session”. She apologized for half a second and I just told her to let it all out. She did. She knew I was a cryer and she knew that I would understand.Being a cryer and embracing that part of me has made me empathetic to others and has made me see other parts of my life that I viewed as negative, as just a part of who I am today. I love that!There are still things that I want to do, accomplish, and be. But this one moment in my life has changed my view of who I am and has led me to accept things about myself that are just fine, thank you very much. 🙂
What can you embrace in yourself starting right now as being a part of what makes you uniquely you? Recognize it, own it, embrace you. Change what you want, keep what you want, but embracing you is a beautiful step towards freedom. Love to you, my tribe of Lemonader’s! -
Random Thoughts on Taking Out the Trash
Taking Out the Trash
For Real This Time…
I don’t know how many of you are Mac Users (I’m a Mac, not a PC), but there is a little to-do item that I sometimes forget about. It’s very important to do, especially on my laptop where I do all my work where there isn’t a lot of disk space to mess around with. It’s a little chore called, “Empty Trash”.
I delete stuff all the time on my computer! From emails to tossing out documents or photos or videos. Memes I’ve downloaded and used and then no longer need. Photos of items I’ve put on Craigslist and sold…months ago. Screenshots I’ve taken for a specific purpose and now that purpose has passed. I created a word document for a to-do list and now that chore has passed so I toss it out. I put it all in the trash. Out of sight, out of mind.
But just like the trash we throw into our trash cans outside for the garbage man to take away, it’s not like that stuff just disappears. In the case of our household trash, it ends up in a landfill doing damage to our planet earth. And the files in my computer? They sit in the trash until I go take one more step and EMPTY THE TRASH!
I’m not sure why we have to throw out the trash twice, but we do. Of course, in the case of our household trash, I try to limit what goes into the landfill. I try to reduce, re-use, and recycle as best I can so the impact I have is less. And on my computer, I try to make a habit of regularly taking out the trash so that stuff is not just out of sight, but permanently gone.
Sometimes we need to mentally take out the trash.
First, IT IS a good idea to simply reduce, re-use, and recycle the mental garbage. Trying to put better things into our creative and mental space is definitely the first line of defense. Does watching scary movies give you nightmares that keep you up at night? STOP WATCHING THEM in the first place! Stuck in a bad habit or need to simply create a new one like flossing twice a day? Take the first step towards either one. Remember that it takes baby steps…moving forward, however small, is the key.
Second, we may think that we have taken out the trash but just like my EMPTY TRASH button you may need to permanently take it out. Setting it aside is not enough. Sometimes we need to take that extra step and permanently let it go. Here are a few examples:
- You’ve quit coffee, but still own a coffeemaker and coffee is still in the cupboard.
- You’ve forgiven a friend, but are still hanging on to hurt feelings that we can’t quite release.
- You were in a horrible relationship, got out of it, then are still mentally bashing that other person or worse, ourselves for being in the relationship in the first place.
- How much mental space are you taking up by not permanently deleting the trash? By taking that extra step to let go for real this time?
I’m not saying it’s easy, but this blog is just about awareness. If you are in a situation where you haven’t permanently deleted your trash – you are the only one who truly knows. If you read this blog and instantly thought of something in your life that this applies to – then this article is for you.
Do some mental decluttering, some soul-searching, some meditation, whatever does it for you to start taking baby steps towards healing – and EMPTYING THE TRASH.
Would love to hear from you! Please comment below and let’s start some chatter!
