One of the things I talk about pretty often is not believing in Happy Endings. While you may be aghast at the thought…let me shed some light on my thinking and why I’ve chosen to be a Student 4 Life.
I don’t believe in happy endings.
First, fairytale happy endings are not happy endings at all. All fairytale happy endings just stop when the going got good or hit a high point. It’s a happy moment, but not a happy ending. Life goes on and it will not always be a picturesque scene with the perfectly cued music in the background. Cinderella had to learn how to live with Prince Charming and manage a castle, after all.
Second, I believe that our spirit goes on forever…therefore there is no ending. I am an eternal being that will never reach the end so therefore I’m not waiting for my happy ending…I better figure it out right now. If I can’t be happy right now then what’s the point? This fosters the belief that it’s ok to be happy today and not save it for a tomorrow that might never come.
Third and last, I always want to be becoming or arriving. I don’t want to become or arrive because that denotes an ending. I want to enjoy the journey not just the destination. Tim Ferris talks about mini-retirements in his book, The 4-Hour WorkWeek because he doesn’t want to arrive at retirement. He wants to enjoy life in the here and now. I like that idea.
If yesterday is gone and can only be used as a learning tool and you can’t touch a tomorrow, what does that leave us?
TODAY!!
If you aren’t happy today, then what’s the point? There is something to be grateful for and happy about every single day, period. Even when going through hard times, there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for and happy about. (Yes, I’m pretty sure that was a PollyAnna moment right there.)
Because of all of this I would like to dub myself a Student 4 Life. I always want to be striving for and learning new things. I want to be in a constant state of becoming. At this point in my life I believe I’ve shed the caterpillar part of me and have become a butterfly, but my journey doesn’t stop there.
I want to add more color to my wings.
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A Letter to My Gram
A Letter to My GramBeing Sad and MadOur name for her was “Gram”. She was my mother’s mother who was born September 3rd, 1926 and adopted from an orphanage in Los Angeles when she was 5 years old. Her adoption records are sealed and so we might never know who her birth parents were, but the couple that adopted her were ever so kind and she grew up with loving parents in a beautiful home with lots of opportunities.
She married, had four children, two girls and then two boys with a big gap between the girls and boys. For example, my uncle was in kindergarten when I was born and he had to bring something to class that started with the letter ‘B’. He brought me because I was a baby! She had a love for horses, dogs, and cats and made the best snickerdoodles you ever tasted. She always had cars that were fast and usually red even though she didn’t drive them fast. She didn’t have a lot to say, but I loved it when she laughed.
Her house was always neat as a pin. We visited her more often as children and she always came to our house for Christmas bringing McDonald’s gift certificates for all of us. I have pictures of her at a few special occasions such as my 8th grade graduation and when I was first married. I remember meeting her for lunch at the Smorgy or The Depot in Oroville, CA for lunch.She was not what I would call a playful grandma like my mother is now for her grandchildren. In truth, it is because my Gram was not very involved that I believe my mother has been so determined to be in her grandchildren’s lives and is doing an incredible job…she makes me exhausted! Being a new Gram myself, I appreciate her efforts even more.This last Sunday morning I received news that my Gram had passed away. I was surprised that I was sad. I was more surprised that I was mad. Over the last 15 or so years, my Gram had alienated every single one of her family members and any friends she may have had.I am mostly sad over the years that were already lost. I am mad that she let this happen. I am confused because I simply don’t understand it all. I’ve sent birthday cards every year, emailing her on her birthday as well. I sent Christmas cards, all with no response.There will not be a funeral, no one would come. She pre-paid to be cremated and have her ashes spread over the fields where some wild horses roam around the place she last lived.In the wake of her passing the last few days, I have thought much about the circumstances that brought her to such a sad place. How awful it must have been to lead such a small and selfish life. It also got me thinking about all the good she brought into this world.She was an excellent mother to her children. She sewed beautiful dresses for my mom and aunt. She took them on camping trips and supported them in all they did. My aunt had excellent advice to remember her how she was and not who she became. On that note, I add a story she wrote to her granddaughters when I was 12 years old. It shows how much she cared in those days to be a wonderful Gram.
She was my last living grandparent. I am her first grandchild and oldest granddaughter. I am here because she lived. I am grateful for her love of life in her younger years. I am grateful for her quiet moments. I am grateful for the afghan she crocheted for me. I am grateful for a couple pieces of jewelry she thought to give me about 20 years ago. I am grateful for her talent in the kitchen and what I hope I have inherited of her talent for storytelling.Thank you for being patient as I write this on my blog this week. I promise to have some more uplifting thoughts next week, but such as in life, there are ups and downs. Please take a moment after reading my Gram’s little story, The Day My Dolls Danced, and get in touch with someone you haven’t talked to in much too long. You know who it is…please do it. Leave a mark…no, leave a legacy.May 13, 1983To my sweet granddaughters: Lauri, Holly, Heather & Sarah.In this, the Springtime of your lives, may you still enjoy a fairytale.Much love from your “Gram”THE DAY MY DOLLS DANCED
It had been a long and busy day but the house sparkled and the clothes were washed and put away. There was an apple pie fresh from the oven, warm and spicy, for special dessert that evening. There was some time left before I needed to start dinner so I decided to take a little rest. I went into my bedroom, took off my shoes, closed the drapes and lay down on the bed.As I always do before closing my eyes, I looked at each of my little dolls, 14 in all, that stood on the shelf above my vanity. There was another larger doll that stood on the vanity. They were all dressed elegantly in long gowns of pink, blue, green, yellow, and lavender and I had given each of them a name; Jasmine from Japan, Heidi from Holland, my Irish girl Colleen, Cherie from France, Ann from Israel. Joining them were Leah, Honey, April, Sarah, Shirley, Lauri, Heather, Sunshine, Holly and my tall Southern Belle – Elaine. They were my little girls, dainty and sweet and beautiful.My eyelids grew heavy and just as I was drifting off to sleep I heard faint tapping sounds coming from where my dolls stood on the shelf. To my astonishment, the tiny ladies had come to life and are taking off their shoes! I wondered if perhaps I were dreaming but I lay very still and waited to see what would happen next.After each girl had removed her shoes she placed them side-by-side in the exact place that she stood on the shelf. Then one-by-one they tiptoed to the ends of the shelf and let themselves down the turned posts on either side of the mirror to the vanity below. Each girl in turn went to a small cart of silk flowers that stood on the table, selected a flower that matched the color of her gown, and laid it at the feet of Elaine, as though she were their queen. Elaine smiled and nodded to each lady in acceptance of their tributes.After their acknowledgement to their queen, the girls became carefree and playful, darting among the bottles of perfume and playing hide-and-seek with one another. While they were occupied with their games, I very quietly turned on my radio to music that seemed to match their bright spirits. They were startled and seemed almost fearful at the sound. Then, quite suddenly, my vanity became their stage and I was about to become an audience of one at a Ballet of the Dolls!Their tiny bodies moved with charm and grace and their joy at dancing was reflected in the sweetness of their faces. I was completely absorbed in the performance when suddenly, outside, a dog barked rudely. The dancing ended abruptly and the little ladies glanced my way, but I stayed very still. I was hoping they would decide it was safe to continue to dance, but the spell was broken. They scurried to put everything back into proper order. One-by-one, they returned to their Queen Elaine, curtsied and picked up the flowers and put them back in the cart, then made their way up the turned posts to the shelf. Each girl returned to her own pair of shoes, slipped them on, smoothed her gown and hair, smiled sweetly at their queen, then became motionless once again.Quietly I turned off the radio and marveled at the sight I had just been privileged to see, and hope that sometime I will see them come to life and play and dance on my vanity once again. Perhaps I had just dreamed the whole interlude. It would be quite fantastic to see dolls come to life and dance on the vanity. It must have been my imagination working overtime.Several days passed and one evening as I prepared for bed, I noticed a tiny object lying on my vanity. I picked it up and discovered that it was a shoe! I was very excited because I realized that I hadn’t been dreaming and it wasn’t my imagination and that my little ladies did really come to life after all! I laid the tiny shoe carefully on the shelf above, turned off the light and went to bed. I wondered if, perhaps, they would dance this night.The next day was house-cleaning time and as I reached up to dust the shelf where my girls stood, the little shoe was not there! I carefully picked up each doll and to my amazement, their shoes were all on their feet! They had indeed come to life and danced again while I slept. I felt a little sad that I hadn’t seem them. However, my ladies had known that once I had watched them dance and play, for as I turned to dust my radio, there, lying on the top was a lovely silk flower, a gift from my little girls!
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The Art of Holiatry (hoh lee a tree)
The Art of Holiatry (pronounced “hoh lee a tree”) or holism or wholism engenders the case of the ENTIRE patient from all aspects including social, psychological, and physical. Basically, our insides, our outsides, and then how our little person that we created (us) shows up in the world. Let’s start by defining each of the three subjects that make up the Art of Holiatry, shall we?
Physical
Let’s start with physical because that is the easiest to define. It has everything to do with nourishment and movement. Basically, diet and exercise…but that sounds boring, right? I like nourishment and movement much better. Nourishment is anything you stick in your mouth, breathe in, or otherwise put on your skin. I believe that a whole food, plant-based diet is the best not only for our physical well-being and it makes me feel like a super-hero, but it also makes me a hero in saving animals and saving the planet. In other words, I’m out to save the world! Choosing to eat a whole foods, plant-based diet truly makes me feel like a superhero!
Movement is defined differently for all of us. Mine is a bit on the aggressive side, but not as aggressive as kickboxers and the martial arts! Who knows? Maybe someday…but in the meantime I am a mountain bike enthusiast, a dabbler in running and spend a couple of short bursts in the gym and doing yoga. What do you do? It’s different for everyone and THERE IS NO WRONG WAY! Are you a walker, hiker, swimmer, surfer, cyclist, skier? I don’t care what it is…dance! But do something in the movement department!
Psychological
Next comes psychological which to me sounds much more pleasant when you think of it as your mind and spirit. Your mind because of knowledge…any kind of knowledge. Formal education, life experiences, you name it. Everything having to do with learning and as you saw from my last post, I am a student 4 life! I don’t want to ever stop learning and becoming. The other is our precious spirits. You have a spiritual side of you whether you are in organized religion or not. Who or what is your higher power? I believe in God and those who know me or have been on my podcast know that, but I know we are not all in that cookie-cutter life. Whatever your religious practice…embrace it! Live it! Love it!
Spirit also includes things like meditation, self-care, your soul, spending time with yourself to learn of your greatest desires. Sometimes your spiritual self just wants to let go and have some fun! Let yourself have recess!
Social
That brings us to our third and last part of our whole – Social. Once you have yourself on a pretty even keel of physical and psychological, it’s time to share your love, knowledge, and service with the world! It’s time to show up in your companionships and relationships outside of yourself. A little bit of you given away creates lasting impressions and forges friendships that can change you for the better (or sometimes for the worst)…either way, they are learning experiences to teach you more about yourself and how to be a healthy contributor to your relationships. How do you show up in the world?
Positivity Happens
At Lauri’s Lemonade Stand, we are embarking on a journey to explore these three aspects of holiatry and how I can help you in the discovery of self and charging up to that next chapter of our lives with conviction and truth, confidence and love, and kick some serious ass! It’s the whole reason I wrote my book last year called Positivity Happens – It’s all about The Art of Holiatry, personal stories in each of the three subjects above and then, guess what? A 30-Day Positivity Challenge just for you!
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Anticipation
The Gift IS The Anticipation
As I have mentioned numerous times before, I am a complete movie nerd. I’m not good at movie trivia or remembering actors or actresses names or what year this or that movie came out, but I can watch them until the cows come home (and secretly I hope they don’t!). The movie industry has me hooked with anticipation.In my phone is a list called “Movie Fun”. At the top of the list are movies coming out that I want to see. I’ve seen the trailer, loved it, and it goes on my list along with the day it hits theaters. Next comes the movies on my wishlist for my home library. If the movie isn’t out on DVD/Blu-Ray quite yet, the day it does come out is listed right next to it with eager anticipation!What is it that gets us hooked? The excitement leading up to our birthdays. The eves of holidays, especially Christmas. The sequel to your favorite book or movie. The sequel to your favorite television series (even if it’s Lost and the ending really didn’t tie up all the loose ends that they had promised).Anticipation is Powerful
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it is almost more exciting than the actual event. Anticipation is powerful. Inevitably, the actual event is much shorter than any waiting I did leading up to it. I literally have a movie on my list right now that doesn’t come out until Summer and it’s already been on there a couple of months! That is a HUGE anticipation period considering the movie will be less than two hours.
I’m spent weeks preparing for Christmas. Even if I counted the full 24 hours of Christmas day instead of the 16 or so hours I will actually be awake, it’s a lot of prep time in comparison to the actual celebration.Anticipation IS our Journey
If all of what I said holds true, than the excitement of anticipation is our journey. What is your current journey that fills you with anticipation? Are you embracing your journey towards your ultimate goal? What is your ultimate goal? How far away is it? Can you see it as a trailer in your mind of your very own movie?The journey can require hard work. Learn to love this work. It is our anticipation journey to be embraced, loved, and smiled at. I believe anticipation is the motivating factor for me trying so many things in my life. I have done so many awesome things. I am collecting experiences. It has been an incredible journey and I can hardly wait to see what’s around the corner for me. I can hardly wait to see where your journey takes you.May your journey be filled with anticipation. Enjoy it, set a goal to achieve, start your journey now. May it be a healthy, happy road less travelled.
