In April of 2015 I wrote the following article on Negative Self-Talk:
Listen to Your Best Friend
It took some practice to put this theory into motion for me, but like I always say, “if I can do it, anyone can do it!” I have issues with negative self-talk about my weight. I am not overweight, but I am hyper-conscious about my body shape. I am a grandmother after all and body parts that were once perky are now sadly stretching for the ground and have declared gravity as their best friend. As a friend of mine used to say, (who has since passed on, losing her battle with cancer), “I used to be a 36D, but now I’m just a 36Long”. Once I applied the “best friend advice” theory – it made me see myself as my Heavenly Father sees me. As a daughter of God who is beautiful. Let’s try it out, shall we?
Take the first thing that pops into your head when it comes to your own personal negative self-talk. It could be anything, but usually you are able to think about it right away because it has been your constant companion for as long as you can remember. Now I want you to imagine that you’ve graciously gifted this negative thing or idea to your best friend. She is now you. (This works great if you do this in front of your mirror). Your best friend is now telling you that she hates the shape of her body and that dimples are only cute on baby bums, and that rolls are meant to be eaten not worn. What do you tell her?
I recently did this exercise in a group of about 40 women and I had the leader of the group play the part of “best friend”. She was telling me how she was overweight and hated the way she fit in her clothes. I then asked the audience what advice should I give her? I panicked as the silence dragged on for just a little bit longer than anticipated. I worried that people would actually start giving advice on weight loss ideas, diets that never really work, to fast, or to exercise like a maniac. One woman in the front row saved me with the perfect answer: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!! There have not been a lot of perfect moments in my speaking career, but this one I will always remember. She said the answer that I had written down in my notes and she said it out loud and clear: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Ladies, try it out right this second. Take that negative self-talk and hand it over to yourself as your own best friend. What advice would you give that best friend? It changed the way I view myself forever. I am beautiful. And not in some egotistical way, but truly beautiful inside and out. Why? Because that is how my Heavenly Father sees me, how my husband sees me, how my children see me, and how my best friend sees me. My best friends would all come and tell me the same thing – YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Reminder of Negative Self-Talk
The Power to Change
I had two reminders this week from gals that are awesome! My friend, Allie Steele holds periodic bootcamps that run for 4 weeks, Monday, Wednesday, Friday and I usually cannot attend, but this one worked in my schedule! So this last week I have sweat like crazy and walked around like I had a corncob up my butt with how sore I was on more than one occasion. But I digress…the point is that during one of the workouts I let out a jokingly, “I suck” and was immediately told by my friend and another participant in the class to not think that way! I was capable of hard things, I was strong.
I was a bit taken aback when that happened and realized that I indeed needed to change my self-talk to more positive words. And then something else happened! I was having lunch with a friend of mine from out of state, a surprise visit! She was asking about how my business was going, speaking gigs, my writing and I must have been on overwhelm because she said, “I’ve never seen you so down about your work.” What?? I’m the positivity queen! I don’t get down about my work! Hogwash!
Why was I having a poor attitude or negative self-talk? I really thought about it quite a bit and realized that I was comparing. Comparison is damaging. If I compare myself to one out of the fifteen women attending bootcamp and focus on her doing things better than I did I create negative thoughts. When I compare myself to other people who were already accomplished authors, writers, speakers, podcasters, I create negative thoughts.
How had that little bugger of negative self-talk sneak into my way of thinking? I don’t know, but it’s about to get a swift boot along with an immediate eviction notice. Now, I know that it will not be that simple, but awareness is the key. I am practicing daily mantra’s that will bring a more positive light into my life. Here’s two from Rebekah “Bex” Borucki (Check out her interview on my podcast here.) that I really like:
I say “no” when I don’t want to. I say “yes” when it feels good. I take care of myself through movement that makes me feel wonderful. I eat foods that make me feel fulfilled. I have relationships with people who love me as I am.
It is not my job to be in control. My purpose is to be at peace and to be happy with who I am in this moment, to be loved, and to inspire love.
Want to learn more? Bex has a 21-day Mantra Challenge that is Free! Just click here and enjoy more positivity in your life, a break from the negative self-talk, a relief from stress, and experience more gratitude. Listen to your self-talk this week…what is it saying?