Dr. Julie Hanks has created a gold mine of information about being assertive. But let me warn you, this is a WORK BOOK!! If you aren’t ready to put in the work to learning more about yourself, don’t buy this book. However, if you are ready to take the steps necessary to learning this trade of being assertive I would highly recommend it.
Let’s just do a quick re-assess of what being assertive means, shall we? My initial impression was not the definition that Dr. Julie Hanks used. “Assertiveness is generally defined as a way of communicating that is clear, confident, and self-assured. It enables you to express your thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants without infringing on the rights of others. Assertiveness skills help you articulate your unique sense of self while maintaining your connection with others and allowing them to have an experience that is different from yours. At its core, assertiveness is about the courage to express difference.”
Now THAT is a great definition of being assertive and from the moment I read it, I wanted it. I generally consider myself a pretty assertive person, but there is one area where I get hung up and that is my emotional response during conflict. In her book, Dr. Hanks gives 5 Skills of Assertiveness; Self-Reflection, Self-Awareness, Self-Soothing, Self-Expression, and Self-Expansion. My biggest insight came from the self-soothing portion as it provided tools to pretty much calm myself down during any conflict.
“Assertiveness is an expression of difference.” In this book I found it re-assuring that we need each other and our relationships. “Splendid isolation is for planets, not people” (Johnson 2013). This book shows you how to make the most out of your relationships by nurturing certain ones and possibly severing others.
My blogpost today is not to give you the full enchilada, but to entice you to go out and buy this book if you find that it might help you in your life. It made a difference in mind and I will share just a few of my key take-aways here:
I feel _____________ when you _______________ because I think ______________.
This sentence alone can change your life.
“I’m not able to commit to that right now.”
“I’m going to say no for now. I’ll let you know if something changes.”
“No, I can’t do that, but here’s what I can do…”
Phrases to help me ask for change:
“It would mean a lot to me if…”
“I would appreciate it if you would…”
I loved it when you did _______________.”
If you’re not yet sold on the book, start by listening to my interview with Dr. Julie Hanks on my positivity podcast for women, Lauri’s Lemonade Stand, by clicking here. Listen as she takes me through a real life scenario that happened to me with my family and shows me how I could have handled it differently…talk about putting yourself out there for the world to hear! She is funny, brilliant, and right on the money.
Don’t forget to leave your comments below…I read every one!