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Who I Am

Who I Am
Learning to Sleep in the Bed that I Made
     No TV.  Ok, well I do own a TV and am honestly a huge movie buff with lots of movies and some sitcoms, but I do not have a cable network of any kind.  No channels.  No commercials.  Been that way for close to 20 years now.  I still get hooked on sitcoms!  I owned every season of Gilmore Girls and if Agents of Shield has a season on DVD, I’ve bought it and watched it in marathon order over a couple of weeks (if it lasts that long).
     
     My current addiction is Arrow.  In a recent episode I learned the origins of the character, Felicity Smoak.  (Third Season in case any of you are Arrow buffs, too)  While it wasn’t anything too horrific…think Bimbo mom and illegal computer hacking stuff, it was something that she was embarrassed and ashamed of.  

     One of the point’s I’d like to make is that we all have things in our past that we are both embarrassed or ashamed of.  The first of those are the decisions that we have no control over.  Felicity did not choose her mom or her circumstances growing up.  The second are decisions we make that may cause shame as we see them as mistakes or just plain ugly bad choices.  In Felicity’s example it was creating a super crazy computer virus from her college hacker days and nearly spending her life in prison.
     But where is she now?  Working for a millionaire dude and The Arrow as a computer genius who is calm under pressure, knows her stuff inside and out, and has made herself indispensable.  She is also friendly and is loved by just about everyone who meets her (except the bad guys, of course).
Which brings me to my second point.  Her upbringing and her so-called “mistakes” brought her to this part of her life.  Her life is not without mistakes now and it’s not perfect, but those life experiences made her who she is today.  They shaped her into the woman she has become.

     Your life up to this point has made you who you are today.  Right now in this present moment.  Who are you?  Where did you come from and where are you going?  I’ve been pondering a lot about this lately in my own life. 
This is WHO I WAS:

     I believe my upbringing was pretty good.  My mom taught me to choose the right and how to be strong.  She showed me that she was human and made mistakes like everyone else. I learned to ride horses, ride a bike, and do good in school.  I loved to read and compete in spelling bees!  In unfortunate typical fashion, my parents were divorced when I was 11 and my mom re-married a wonderful man with 5 boys.  As per usual in most divorced families, it’s just tough.  Tough to figure out your identity, tough to reconcile your mom and dad not being together.  Tough to adjust to doubling your family size and learning to get along with not only 2 brothers, but 7!  (It’s just a flat out miracle that mom was never committed to a looney bin.  She gets huge props for that.).  

     Imagine 9 kids, 7 boys and 2 girls all under the age of 11.  I know I had it tough, but my mom and step-dad are down-right saints in my book.  We were all on the local swim team and all of us did some kind of sports.  I remember doing basketball for 6 years, soccer for 3 and swim team for 3.  I was also in the band with a killer marching ensemble for parades and half-time shows.  My parents did the best they could and honestly, even though I might not have agreed with my mom and dad’s “parenting skills” (what child does??) if I had followed their advice, my life would have turned out better than the decisions I made for myself.

     The rest is all me.  I made my bed and I laid in it.  Every good and bad decision was up to me.  It still is.  I’ve learned a lot about myself.  I’ve learned that I love to work outside the home.  I love the challenge of new opportunities.  I’ve been a property manager, an Ombudsman to a Naval Ship during the 9/11 conflict, worked for the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society, made burgers as the Drive-Thru Queen of Burger King, lasted one whole week at Taco Bell, sold MaryKay and Pampered Chef, and yes, even the dreaded Amway for a spell.  I’ve owned my own business for a lot of years and was even a stay-at-home mom 9 years straight which was the hardest “job” I’ve ever had in my life.

      I’ve been married more than a few times with the common denominator always being me in those relationships.  My two older kids are no doubtedly scarred for life due to my inability to have, find, and keep good marriage relationships.  While it is not an easy thing to talk about or simply admit, it is most definitely part of my past that made me who I am today.

This is WHO I AM:

     I am in a beautiful marriage relationship with my best friend and hero, Eddy.  He has given me a safe place to grow and learn about myself and who I have the potential to become.  I will forever be indebted to him.

     I love to sing and even started voice lessons recently.  I like to knit and hate to scrapbook.  I love riding my mountain bike and I love to cook.  I like making my house feel like a home where anyone that comes in will feel comfortable and at ease.  I stink at keeping green things alive.  Many a plant has died at my hands over the years.  I love to read Louis L’amour and I love to watch action movies and chick flicks.  I love to speak with people and connect with them.  I love the mountains, but don’t much care for the beach.

     I believe in God and love my church family because they show love to me unconditionally.  I am a WFPB health crusader (yes, I eat plants and yes, I get enough protein).  I have two dogs that are sweet as pie.  They are both black and both boys.  It seemed only fair as I have three daughters and my hubby was the only testosterone representative in the house.  I love making goals and then checking them off my list.  Did I mention I was a list-maker?  I LOVE LISTS!  The best part of my lists is marking the things off I’ve accomplished.

     Some of my favorite things are freshly cleaned sheets, new pillows, the sound of the dishwasher or dryer running, Kelly Rae Roberts, my courtyard fountain, the smell of jasmine in full bloom, Brooks Cascadia trail-running shoes, and getting packages in the mail.

This is WHO I AM BECOMING:

     First and foremost, I am always working on being more kind and being of service.  First to my husband and children, then my neighbors and then my community and ultimately the world.  I’m also working on being more cheerful and not complaining so much about bad drivers.  🙂

     I’ve recently started collecting pull-over hoodies…don’t know if that trend will stick, but it seemed worth mentioning.

     I want to learn how to pop a wheelie on my mountain bike.  I want to replace the rest of my VHS tapes with DVD’s.  I want to take a trip to Whistler and ride some killer trails up there.  I want to find out who my Gram’s biological parents were as she was adopted at age 5.  I want to finish knitting a blanket I started at least a year ago.

     I want to write a book, public speak to women who need a confidence boost and power uplift in their lives.  I want to do a weekly podcast starting in February of 2016 to support these same women to help them believe they are capable of more than they think.

     Oh, and I want to own a Model X Tesla…


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